Month: June 2015

I struggled with homosexual tendencies and sexual addictions which manifested through anonymous sexual encounters, compulsive masturbation and pornography. I had been living in a cycle of depression, self-condemnation and deep shame. I attempted to kill myself a number of times. I was cynical toward life and God. All these apparently stemmed from abandonment, neglect and emotional abuse from my parents.

Through the LW Program, God firmly yet gently let me know and feel that He is always willing to meet me just as I am, where I’m at. Through the teachings and testimonies of others, God spoke to me, each time slowly melting my cynicism. He revealed the true and deep longings of my heart. Through listening prayer, God exposed the depth of my sinful ways. But more importantly, God revealed the greater reality of His love, compassion and genuine desire to rescue me. I also discovered that in confessing my sins to others and allowing myself to be known, Christ’s power is released and sin’s grasp over me is destroyed.

Prior to LW, I saw myself at a dead-end ready to accept defeat. But I’m glad that I took the chance. In one of the Program nights, I received, perhaps, the biggest breakthrough of my life: the truth that I am God’s good gift. This has since become the cornerstone, through which, I am being enabled to see my true self.

Now, I am equipped to make the right choices towards the life that Jesus offers. God has made His hope and freedom very, very real to me.

I was living a disconnected life. On the outside, I was a “good” Christian girl, and a core leader in the ministry. I had a beautiful career in banking industry. But behind closed doors I was a wretch, consumed by guilt of sexual sins and ashamed of broken and abusive heterosexual relationships.

I was flooded with insecurities and the feeling of being unloved, insignificant and inadequate. After my last relationship, I was in “abstinence” for almost 3 years, I thought ‘wow I was okay! But again I had a sexual fall. I had a one-night stand with a pastor’s son. When the weight of all my sins hit me, I cried unto the Lord and came to Living Waters.

As I attended the program God showed me that He is a Father who is so real and so patient with me. Every time I am prayed over, I see and feel Jesus embracing and holding me, speaking words of hope and promises of victory. At one time I received a picture of Jesus giving me a new white robe.

I understand now that healing is a journey and a process that should be embraced with Jesus. Living Waters is a God-given channel where His grace and love and majesty and power abounds.

At the tender age of 10 I started feeling unloved and rejected. My dad left to work abroad and I struggled to comprehend why. Growing up under my mom’s care did not help ease the feeling. One day, I overheard my mother saying I was not a legitimate child –that I was a son of a Chinese family, thrown in a garbage. I knew it was a joke but I believed what I heard. I grew up with a strong sense of rejection and a deep sense of inferiority.

I had a hard time making firm decisions. I was shy and easily intimidated. I never took risks and was afraid of failure. I became passive — shunning any responsibility. I tried to resolve these inner struggle by projecting the image of a “worldly man”. I got myself into many vices. I showed off how I was really intimate with women or committed fornication.

Then I met the Lord and went into full time Christian ministry. Even so, I was still living a double life — a pious servant on the outside but struggling with many hidden sins on the inside.

I thank God I joined Living Waters. It is so inspiring and transformational. It made me realize my utter dependence on God, my hunger of love that can only be found in Him. I had the opportunity to finally deal with my issues and undergo a deeper process of healing.

In LW God also affirmed my masculinity. He strengthened me to overcome my weaknesses. He assured me of who I am in His eyes —- that I am His beloved. I know God is not yet finished with the work in me. I thank God for granting me a support group, for our church leaders, and for my wife with whom I have become truly accountable by honestly confessing my sins and struggles. With my community always ready listen, I feel more secure in God’s love, able to hold fast to the hope that I have in the Lord.