By: Shawn Corkery

Defining Abuse  

To help apply the Lord’s power to this problem, we need to understand abuse better. Childhood abuse, in all forms, can be defined as any act of a power that is forced upon a child that leaves destruction. A good image for this would be a weapon (a bullet, spear, arrow, etc). A weapon’s capacity for destruction can be determined by the amount of power behind it. A weapon first makes contact with a person’s body at the akin-our outside defense. The weapon then makes its way inside the body where it leaves destruction (tears flesh, breaks bones). If a wound is not addressed properly infection will eventually set in.

Abuse is like a weapon to the soul 9Body and spirit). It is any act-physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, or neglect- with a force of power behind it, which penetrates personal safety and boundary, then enters the soul where it causes destruction. Because secrecy is usually needed for abuse to occur, most wounds go untreated, and become infected with shame, self-hatred and spiritual oppression.

The power behind the act (or weapon) is the key factor. Abuse is measured not by the act itself, but by the destruction it leaves. It is very easy for adults to minimize their own childhood experiences of abuse by saying “Oh, it wasn’t that bad. A lot of people had it worse than me.” The problem is focusing on the event, not on the effects that it left in their hearts and souls. It would be like saying “I was only wounded by a pin prick,” but the pin entered the body and punctured major nerves and arteries.

Sexual Abuse

One of the most devastating forms of power inflicted on children is sexual abuse. Molestation is any act of sexual power (overt or covert) that is forced upon a child under eighteen years old. For too long our culture has defined sexual abuse in terms of genital contact. Sexual abuse can encompass any act of sexual power-from intercourse to voyeurism (being sexually leered at). Children were never designed by God to contain within their souls. (and bodies) any form of adult sexual energy. This sexual power can leave different forms of intensities of destruction. This is manifested in how a child feels about his or her body, sense of protection, ability to trust, and personal safety.

Many adults who experienced sexual abuse as teenagers feel guilty and personally responsible, especially if pleasurable feelings arose in them. Also devastating can be the sad truth that legitimate longings for love, concern, accountable for misusing their power by crossing boundaries with children.

Healing

Defining  abuse is much easier than summarizing the process of healing. That’s because abuse affects every facet of one’s being and there is no simplistic process to the healing of the soul. At the same time, healing is simple. It involves applying the restoring power of Jesus to the destruction, and calling the victim to live  out his or her true personhood.

The Wound

I see healing of the soul as two simultaneous processes. The first is allowing the Presence of Christ to enter the injured places-the memories, feelings, and beliefs that formed around the wound. An abusive experience untreated will have some form of defense around it. It can be a conscious or unconscious mechanism attempting to keep unbearable pain to a minimum, but the defense ironically keeps the wound from being healed. The Holy Spirit’s desire is to enter the memory (the wound) and begin to heal the damage. This usually involves a time of grieving over the event. Most victims need a “season” of mourning the fact that a very bad thing happened. This is especially true when the person has repressed or suppressed memories and feelings.

As the pain is submitted to Christ, He takes it into Himself on the Cross. With a consistent practice of bringing memories and feelings into the presence of the Lord, Jesus can begin to fill them with truth, joy objectivity, authority and victory. The memory doesn’t disappear- Jesus doesn’t rewrite history- but the destructive residue left from the force of the abuse is cleansed out and replaced with His presence and healing intention.

Defenses

The second process of healing (ironically the area we wish not to face) is our defensive and /or sinful reactions to abuse. These are areas of personal responsibility. When fearlessly and humbly faced, the victim can choose to give them up. These defense mechanisms once served a purpose in childhood by covering the wounds. But like a cheap bandage, they have outlived their purpose and must be removed. Without their removal, the Lord will not have complete access to the injury. His desire to heal will be hindered, and we will continue to use the defense to block future pain.

Some of these defenses are denial (not remembering or feeling), passivity and fear, taking personal responsibility where that responsibility belonged to another, secrecy, inner vows, compulsive behaviors and addictions, and not forgiving. Each of these areas must be soberly recognized in our lives and brought into the Lord’s light. In the security of His presence, we can find the courage to let go of our old ways of defending ourselves.

The Long Road

In my own healing from sexual abuse, Jesus led through several stages. First, Jesus strengthened me to say no to sexual addiction and homosexual behavior. Then He dealt with my hatred and unforgiveness toward perpetrator and family members. Next came a long season of grieving over the past and all the ramifications I had denied about the abuse. Finally, when we had worked long enough on my passivity and accepting my true masculinity, the “motherload” of pain was taped into. As I stayed open to Him, the destruction came up and out and was brought to an end on the Cross!

God’s love and faithfulness won’t stop until He’s finished with us. All the wounding from the past can find its end at the foot of the cross. To our amazement, like a sunrise overtaking darkness, the good things of life which were always an arms reach away can become our won. Life won’t be perfect, but very good, filled with joy and fruit of the Spirit. Best of all, we become holy and obedient people of God.